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yes, i felt myself tearing up. time after time.
twice on the phone. once in front of u.  

i was that close to breaking down. 

but i did the right thing each time. 

swallow down my tears, plaster a smile, pretend all is well and the world goes on.  

i refuse to show u that weak side of mine.

i don't want you to know there's actually this side of me. there are many things i cannot accept and cannot understand. 

whats the point. is anything going to change? tell me.

maybe these are problems that i should be dealing with myself. 

i know its holding me back.

there can never be a forever. 

and more than that, there never ever be an absolute.

i'm still afraid. 

because the pain still comes back.

it paralyses me. so bad.