it's hard. trust me. it never gets easier. it only does because of how i choose to deal with it - run, hide and escape. as usual.
and i really hate it when people start questioning me. because i don't have answers. and the lack of answers disturbs me, a lot. i hate answering every question with "i don't know". questions that i wish i could answer. but i really don't know. and thinking about those issues just scares me.
yes, i am jealous of people who have those answers. but i'm not ready to answer them yet. there are still many things i want to do and i need to do.
i didn't used to be like that, i remember. but somethings changed along the way.
usually the answers i give are just excuses to drown the truth. the feeling like i'm trapped in a bubble left to float around alone. neither in the sky nor on the ground.
yea, i hate it.
no, don't try to understand, because you won't.
don't try to sound sympathetic, because that doesn't change things and i don't need you to feel sorry for me.
and most of the time, i know you think its a path i chose to take.
serve me right.
yea, serve me right.
bottom line is this,
my problem isn't about having no answers. my problem is the constant fear and feeling of being in this alone.