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family violence. depression. anxiety. some emotional disorder. i don't know what its called already. but these are only suppose to happen in movies, not in real life at home. definitely not in a home i'm part of. its like a nightmare unfolding in front of my eyes. and i really don't know how to accept it. let alone react.

i cannot understand how one man can do so much damage to the entire extended family. how come he can change so much. how come he is able to do such things to hurt people he love so much. why is he blind to all they have done for him. i really do not understand. i'm trying soooooooooo super hard now to not let HATRED overwhelm me.

she doesn't need my pity. what she needs is umpteen amount of support, strength and courage. to walk through this darkest moments. and right now, she has my full admiration for her strength. its not easy to stay by someone under such circumstance. just because of one vow and commitment she made to him. if i was in her shoes, i honestly think i'd have committed suicide a long time ago.

if anything, this just further added fuel to my 180 degree change in attitude towards marriage. i'm still young but what i've been through the past few years have jerked me up to see that marriage is much more than just the love of two people.

love is just the precondition. marriage is a gamble you're taking with your life. "无論是疾病或健康、貧窮或富裕、美貌或失色、順利或失意、你都愿意愛他、安慰他、尊敬他、保護他？并愿意在你們一生之中對他永遠忠心不變?" unless you can fully comprehend and understand the consequence of every single word in this vow, don't commit your life to someone. the results when something goes wrong is too dire.

divorce cannot and does not reverse the marriage. if it could, she would have escaped long ago.

which is why i cannot understand why so many people around me are getting engaged/planning to get engaged already.