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Saturday, July 30, 2011, 11:09 AM
today, i found 維他檸檬茶 at ntuc. hohoho. my favourite. now, i don't have to wait until i go back to hk to enjoy it. whooo~random. yesterday, i realised that it's been 10 years since we've moved out of toh yi already. but i still hang out there more than ever. the food in that area is good. bukit timah market, my ban mian at beauty world etc. its convenient. a few of my good friends still live there. bukitpanjang is just so ulu and out of the way from everywhere. thanks for spoiling my saturday. i hate talking to you most of the time. because there's only one topic on your mind. you never fail to make me feel inferior and stupid. stop comparing me to yourself 30 years ago. or to my cousin or brother please. please, just stop it. i hate being the kid who can't live up to everyone's standards. even that of my own. this probably explains my low self esteem. i hate the way your drive me to tears. make me feel like a 15 year old. all alone in this monster world. i'm no longer your good girl. face it. please, just let me find myself in this big world. i don't want to live in your shadow. or be who you couldn't be. it's my life. i sound like some angsty spoilt brat. who doesn't appreciate the help he's offering. but i don't need it. and i don't want it. but you just make it sound like i'll regret it. and you knwo that's what i'm most afraid of. i wana depend on myself. only if i could run away and never come back. which is why i miss the freedom so so much. and why i dislike spending even one full day at home when you're in the house. it's so scary thinking about the future. don't even talk about a year. even half a year later, i'm so lost. so is it really make it to the Big 4 or screw my future? i'm envious of those who can be so sure and have their lives planned out. i look around, my friends are all starting to get job offers, a few of my friends who are just a few years older are already talking about settling down w their gf/bfs or talking about getting serious. but everybody has to grow up one day. so Cat, when is it your turn? hmmm.. on a happier note, looks like this week is going to be packed. occupying myself is the only way to stop my mind from thinking or drifting to somewhere i don't want to think of. running away is no longer an option. i promised myself i'll stop running away from anything. |