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Thursday, June 16, 2011, 11:15 AM
finally, i have time to sit down and clear my thoughts. this is going to be one long long post.one thing for sure, there seems to be 2 sides to everything and we cannot get the best of both worlds.. this is the thing i hate the most. WQ and Tim just left. it's been really fun bringing them around HK. i still remember how wq wanted to visit HK since 2 years ago. after toying with the idea for so so long, we finally get to hang out here. i'm going back to my grandma's place tomorrow. on one hand, i really cannot wait to get back home. get back to somewhere so familiar. where i feel comfortable and can just be myself. where i can just laze around the whole day and not feel lonely. because i hate being in this hotel room. it's kinda freaky and i just don't feel comfortable here. but i'll miss the freedom i have now. and definitely not looking forward to the naggings. i still miss the States though. caz there's so much new things to see and do each day. exploring and looking around. yet, this also signals that i'm heading back to Singapore very soon. 2 more weeks. i've spent the last 6 months out of Singapore. honestly, i'm not ready to head back yet. but i really miss my friends. need to catch up with them. looking at the stuff everybody's been doing and talking to different people on msn. i know i have to face reality. find something to do for the last month of Summer break before another crazy semester in school. that's going to take quite a bit of adjustment after the slack time in UT. no more fun weekends and nights out. looking back at the past 6 months.. i've changed a lot. seen the outside world. forced to think more like an adult. more concerned about stuff going on around me. learnt so much more about myself. never would i have imagined that i can survive 6 months. much more independent and thick skin now. i've learnt what i'm strong at, boosted my self-confidence. but also how much i hate talking to strangers and socializing. and this needs to be improved on. getting attached on exchange was something i'd never have ever thought of. it was suppose to be an escape. getting into a LDR with a HK guy is just impossible if u've told me before i left. not only is it a LDR, the guy is from HK. it just makes me even more attached to HK. as if the pain from having half the family there isn't enough. but he's one special guy. and i miss him already even though i still have 12 more days with him. ) : more than ever, this time away has sparked a new debate within me. am i Singaporean/HK-er/Chinese? and where exactly is home? do i really want to move out of Singapore so damn badly? and is HK really where i want to come back to work in? Does the colour of your passport define where your loyalty lies? i still don't have the answer to these questions but it's always interesting to hear what my friends feel about their home. i've noticed Singapore born Singaporeans only regard Singapore as their home. most feel little or absolutely no connection to China although they're Chinese. looks like National Education in schools has been pretty successful. i really want to visit my grandma's hometown in China, which is also my hometown. kinda interesting to see where the family all started. the roots. i wana see the 家谱. getting pass my parents for this is going to be hard. and saving the money for this will take awhile. the next trip before i start work 2 years from now. i'm meeting KL later. he's flying here from Singapore. this guy is another one like wq. we've been talking about meeting each other in HK caz he comes here so super often. but haven't had the chance to until now. enough for now. there's still stuff i wana write here. but those can wait. |