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Saturday, July 28, 2007, 12:17 AM
venting and venting and more ventings, but it's nothing but the truth:i'm sick of it. everything is about my future. everything is about money. you tell me it's not pressure you are putting on me, than WHAT IS IT???? you tell me all these are suggestions, then you tell me i have to study this in NTU or that at NUS else i should get out of this island caz there's not point studying other things here. you scold me caz i didnt take the chem H3 test. i tell you i want to take econs H3 you tell me its useless caz it ain't getting me anywhere. you mean i can't take the H3 caz i want to learn more. you mean i must only take something caz it's bringing me somewhere in uniersity? i told you i have no interest in med/dentistery/pharmacy, you tell me interest is not the key. my future is the key. i'm sick of this. you tell me i shouldn't make decisions for myself caz i duno how it works and have no experience. AHHHHH!! i just have had enough. for how many nights since school started have you been talking to me about sstudying&my future??? nearly every night you tell me the same old things in a different manner each time. i wish i could tell you how many nights i have not been able to sleep after listening to all these things caz i'm so so scared i cant meet your expectations. i wish i could tell you how much i dread coming home or to just see you caz i know you are going to start. i wish i could tell you how much presssure i'm feeling from you, like a super sharp needle presssing down on my head constantly. i wish i could tell you how i can nearly feel your words haunting me everyday and in every decision i make. i wish i could tell you the fear of underperforming is so huge that i often cry late into the night. i wish had the powers to make you stop. i wish i wish.. i wish for sleep. good sleep. sleep that i dun have to cry til i fall asleep. i hate showing my tears. showing my tears in front of YOU is a sign of weakness, of giving in. too bad, i'm never going to do that. i dun need your empathy. whatever. i'm just turning into a freak. |